ok. idk what happen to me.
i miss my pri sch,
i miss my pri sch teachers,
i miss my pri sch friends,
i miss netball,
i feel like playing netball all of a sudden.
and i'm soo scared.
i'm scared that i cant follow in the class,
i'm scared that i cant catch up with the others.
idk why but these few days, infact from the beginning of the year, no matter what the teacher say, it just cant go into my brain.
and everyone is like so damn hardworking.
once after sch, they go home, do their hw, then study on their own.
now is only the beginning of the year, but everyone is like revising almost everyday.
and here i am, blogging, slacking, wasting my time.
and i really hate myself for not having a sense of urgency.
i know that all my subject are dropping, but i just dont give a damn.
especially eng.
my eng has always been very sucky.
but i just dont take the effort to improve on it.
infact, i'm still having a "playplay" attitude.
i'm bad in eng resulted in i hate eng. somemore my eng teacher is ms lee, which makes me hate eng more. and how am i going to do well in eng then?
i'm scared that my eng will pull everything down.
and i'm scared that i will drop or retain.
and i'm scared of my 'O' levels, which is next year.
although it's still quite long, i'm beginning to feel the stress.
because everyone around me is like so hardworking.
and what about me?
SLACKING!
as for maths, i've always been quite good at it.
but during maths lesson, idk why i just cant understand a damn thing.
and i'm reallyreallyreally veryveryvery scared.
i'm scared of ALOT of things.
i'm scared of my english, e maths, a maths, physics, chemistry, puregeo, elit...
infact, i'm scared of everything that is related to school.
i must really work very hard from now on.
because i dont want to lose out.
i dont want to regret and cry like how i always do.
i dont want to cry because i am sad, disappointed, upset, regret...
infact, i want to cry because i am happy, surprise...
but no matter how i try, i just cant concentrate.
everytime i tell myself that i must study, i just cant do it.
so in the end, i'm always blaming myself for not studying hard enough.
but it's already too late.
and i dont want my MYE and EYE and 'O' levels to be like that too.
i dont want to have any regrets in life and i dont want to hate myself.
idk why but i just cant.
i feel so stress...
i feel so tired and i want a break...